Connect with us


Guilty Parents – Unmanaged Anger, Resentments, Misunderstandings




Parenting is not easy. Unlike the general opinion that it is only difficult for first-time parents, it doesn’t get any easier with the second or third time either. Each child has their unique individuality and nature as parents can’t treat them all equally or understand them in the same way. This is where things get messy.

But despite untiring efforts, some parents are found to be guilty, they admit it as well, of dealing with their uncontrollable bouts of anger, unnecessary punishments, pent-up resentments or unresolved traumas, and lack of communication between them and their kids which results in misunderstandings and thus life-long conflicts.

Factors behind parenting guilt

Parents are humans with flawed perceptions and unresolved mental and emotional issues that can take a toll on their relation with kids. According to the experts, many parents’ inability to manage their anger, often at the pettiest things, can be traced back to their childhood traumas which they neither ever realized nor tackled healthily.

The mental and emotional wellbeing of parents is very important as parenting is a life-long task that requires patience, resilience in times of emotional conflict and external adversity, along with a sense of growth and adaptability according to the new generation’s perceptions.

This is where most of the parents fail.

Apart from emotional and mental issues, some social and economic factors can also be attributed to parental guilt while failing to deal properly with kids. For instance, working parents (especially mothers) are more guilty of “neglecting” their children as they blame their jobs timings and requirements for not properly attending to their kids.

Socio-economic restrictions for some parents can also lead to a lack of wishes fulfillment for their kids which can also create conflicts between parents and kids. 

“Many working mothers feel guilty about not being at home. And when they are there, they wish it could be perfect. This pressure to make every minute happy puts working parents in a bind when it comes to setting limits and modifying behavior”. – Cathy Rindner Tempelsman

However, there are some plain conservative mindsets of some parents where hobbies are not encouraged if they don’t meet the parents’ perceptions. In such restrictive households, children become rebels or are emotionally drawn away from their parents. 

How to overcome this guilt?

Experts say that the perfection your kids need is you. They need happy and loving parents more than rich and intolerant ones. Kids are naturally drawn towards love, care, politeness, emotional security, understanding, and acceptance. When a parent fails to provide these to their kids, they become guilty and consider themselves failed parents. But what they don’t understand is that parenting is constant learning, unlearning, growing, breaking down, regrowing, and coming stronger every time. Without such an approach, parents will remain guilty of failing their kids.

Try to overcome your emotional and mental lackings and traumas through well-being practices like meditation, yoga, healthy eating habits, etc. These will also inspire your kids to follow in your footsteps.

Parents can also get an expert involved like a therapist or a counselor to get advice on effective parenting. Many couples are too proud to let anyone else teach their kids something which is also a toxic trait. Kids should be taught to be open to criticism and corrective advice from friends, family, grandparents, teachers, etc.

However, the key to achieving all these goals is a strong and understanding relationship between both parents. When things are calm and peaceful among them, they help put their children and can form mutually agreed effective rules for life.

How will the children listen to you if you don’t listen to your partner or understand them? For teaching love and kindness, one has to show through example.

Thus, for helping your kids, the conflicting and hurting parents must seek help themselves first to better their and kids’ lives.


Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Recent Posts

© 2021 Four Rounds. All Rights Reserved.